Cerita Bunda ku

Part Two

2008-11-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

.....Jauh MIMPI ku dengan INGIN ku

setelah bla-bla-bla basi itu... kami pun intens berkomunikasi , mencoba untuk mulai membangkitkan rasa yang dulu ada diantara kami...
kata2 sayang, rindu kami obral sedemikian banyak nya...
Aku terlena......
Tapi itu hanya bertahan 2 bulan saja.... aku ngak ngerti apa yg salah diantara kami...topic apapun yang kami angkat dalam pembicaraan kami pasti ujung2 nya berantem....
hmmmmmmmmm *sigh ...ngak ada yg berubah....Akhirnya kami berantem mengenai satu hal yg sampe sekarang aku ngak habis pikir koq dia bisa tega melakukan itu pada aku...

....Kau ciptakan mimpiku
....Jujurku hanya sesalkan diriku.....

Tiba 2 dia menghilang..( the most i hate kalau dia begitu).setiap ada kerikil pasti dia hilang ,lenyap ...... Untung saja aku sudah kebal thousand times dia melakukan nya lama2 aku sudah terbiasa..aku pun tidak berusaha mencari dia
setelah lebih dari 1 bulan menghilang , aku dapat sms "Kita ambil jalan masing masing....itu lebih baik" March 16,2008 05.58 WIB
sekali ngak berotak yah tetep nga berotak....
"totally agree" itu balas ku...
enough ......!!!!!!! aku dah muak sekarang ...
aku dah ngak punya kesabaran lagi .....
who do you think you are!!!!!!
Hubungan kami memang sudah tidak bisa di perbaikin lagi....
I made my decision....
Sudah tidak ber-otak tidak punya hati juga ( wondering kenapa ketika kenal dulu , ngak kayak gini yah *sigh*)...
15.5.2008 sms dia " it's too complicated to start the process , we live in different city-I have a plan to married again - ya udah yah pisah gini ajah"

dan puluhan sms lain yang menunjukan betapa tidak ber-otak nya si pengirim nya..
dan akhirnya....
I made my decision....
Hope this case will be over soon.....
ternyata membutuh kan 5 tahun untuk memutuskan , dan I dont have regret at all.........
wish me luck my friends...

*****I asked God to spare me pain and God said,
"No."He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly caresand brings you closer to me."*****

up date :apa dan siapa (case close soon)

2008-11-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

Pernah Ku simpan jauh rasa ini
Berdua jalani cerita
Kau ciptakan MIMPIKU
Jujurku hanya SESALkan diriku
Kau ciptakan MIMPIKU
dan itu hanya SESALkan diriku
Ku harus LEPASKAN mu
MELUPAKAN senyummu
Semua tentang mu,tentang ku
Hanya Harapku
JAUH ku JAUH
JAUH MIMPI ku dengan INGIN ku

ngak ada cape2 nya ariel (peterpan-red) menyanyikan lagu itu...
setiap pagi , nyalain laptop sampai sore , lagu itu terus aku putar......
seperti nya cucok untuk nasib aku saat ini......

JAUH MIMPI ku dengan INGIN ku...

jadi setelah cerita ketemuan di court itu, dan segala kebimbangan yang aku rasakan ... I invite him to bekasi.... kami bicara banyak ( banyak sekali sampe kalo aku inget2 sekarang..basi!!!).Tetep dengan topik sebab -akibat, apabila, mungkin ,jikalau, rencana ini itu , janji ini itu & another thousands bla bla bla........
akhir nya dia berangkat ke riau dan aku ditinggalkan dengan MIMPI ( again)

Kau ciptakan MIMPI ku
Jujur ku hanya sesalkan diriku...

-to be continued-

Up date

2008-11-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

Almost 10 months , aku ngak update blog.....
ih dah banyak sekali yg terjadi....
Nga tau kenapa koq males sekali yah mau update...padahal banyak loh yg nunggu2 berita update mengenai ceritaku (*pedemode on) hi.hi.hi
hmmmmmmmmm ok , aku janji deh akan lebih sering memposting berita2 baru....
harus di bikin list nya kali (hua.ha.ha saking banyak nya).
1.Cerita proses***** dengan ***** -kalian pasti tau, apa dan siapa- (bentar lagi tamat koq)
2.Kayla sudah TK B
3.Share kejadian di kantor
4.Kayla's Bday Party
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kayaknya bakalan banyak nihh...
yo wes 4 ajah dulu deh.....

Today is where my book begins.....

2008-01-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips D
rench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten ...........

Jan 1st , he send me SMS : Rencana km tetep kamu laksanakan??
reply : Yup , tomorrow , we meet at court.

Resolusi di tahun 2008 , aku ngak mau terjebak dimasalah yang sama lagi.....
Over 4 years...
Am tired.... ( Aku sudah niat 100% ). at morning , I ask KL about my schedule today, she insist to joint with me. I want to say something to Him bunda, kl said...finally am agree to take her to court....
kami ketemu di court , he come with his mom.....
Petugas PN menjelaskan apa saja yang harus aku siapkan....
banyak document yang diminta dan harus membuat surat peryataan yang ternyata PN punya template nya . So alhasil hari ini tidak jadi daftar.....
He ask me again , again , and again...
I stick to my plan......
Tiba tiba kesunyian itu mencengkram ku....
Selama ini aku sudah kesepian... apalagi memang benar2 kami divorce...
Siapkah aku Tuhan ( ucap ku lirih)... sembari melihat dia masuk ke mobil bersama mama nya....

my gorgeous , sit beside me..... aku terkesiap .... ternyata dia dari tadi duduk disebelahku tapi dalam posisi menghadap belakang...
ngapain sayang, kok duduknya begitu??
aku mau liat mobil nya bunda kan ada dia disitu...
Dia mau kemana bunda?
Dia mau ikut kita pulang ?
and Thousand pertanyaan , tapi mata nya tidak lepas dari mobil soluna hitam itu....
That , make me think again.....

Today is where my book begins
The rest is still unwritten..................

But is Over Now.....

2007-12-19T00:12:00.000-08:00

After 4 years… finally I decide..
Life must go on…. Am try to waiting miracle happened in my life,
miracle that can be solving my marriage life…
but it’s never come…..
Am tried ….
Am hopeless ….
And is over now…..
Have to decide ……. Goodbye my dear….
My apology for saying anything which is not acceptable …
Thanks for little gorgeous daughter, She will be my partner to enjoy this life now and forever….

Lahir bulan November , katanya:.....

2007-07-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

Has a lot of ideas (yup) Thinks forward (sometimes) Unique and brilliant (he.he.he ...blushing in my face)
Extraordinary ideas.(yup) Sharp thinking. Can become good doctors ( ngak mungkin... wong sudah jadi good accountant koq:))
Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets ( ngak deh kayaknya)
Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable (hmmmm very talkative kalee). Brave and generous.. ( wah... cok di confirm ama yang laen lah)
Patient... ( ngak lah..). Stubborn and hard-hearted ( gw banget!!!)
If there is a will, there is a way( along with my almighty). Determined.
Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked ( yang bener...pemarah )Loves to be alone ( no choice .... enjoy sajaaaaa)Thinks differently from others. S
harp-minded. Motivates oneself.
Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough.
Deep love and emotions. Romantic. (bbbrrtttt ngak lah)
Uncertain in relationships. Hardworking ( yup ). High abilities.(yup)
Trustworthy (yup..yup). Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.
Unpredictable (iya iya iya .... gw banget!!!)

Think of You [kayla]

2007-07-16T02:51:00.001-07:00

My gorgeous :

Keep my heart awake

and my dreams alive….
Always turn the gray sky blue when winter calls….
And when the night falls heavy,

you make the stars shine twice as bright,
lighting upmy world with hope….
All of that make me a luckiest Bunda in this Universe….

Think of You [kayla

2007-07-16T02:51:00.000-07:00

My gorgeous :

Keep my heart awakeand my dreams alive….
Always turnthe gray sky bluewhen winter calls….
And when the nightfalls heavy,you make the starsshine twice as bright,
lighting upmy world with hope….
All of that make me a luckiest Bunda in this Universe….

5th Commencement Exercises

2007-06-27T02:08:00.000-07:00

Dream...........makes all things possible

Hope..............makes all things work

Love ...............makes all things beautiful

Smile ................makes all above work possible

and all of that is for My Kayla Luna ...

Farewell Party

2007-06-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yeaaah... goodbye Play Group...welcome kindergarten.....

She’s really excited to attend farewell party..
With the china costume she’s look beautiful …..
They sing a Germany song….. I don’t know the title is…
Bahasa inggris ajah ribet apalagi german…he.he.he…

Am so proud....
Even on 4th term she’s not get the BEST CHARACTER in class but for me she's still the best .... (Term 1, 2 & 3 she always get BEST CHARACTER)……

Life

2007-06-15T02:19:00.000-07:00

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
Life isn't about who you're dating,
who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed, it isn't about sex.
Life isn't about who your family is
or how much money they have
or what kind of car you drive,
or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful you are
or ugly you are,
or what clothes you wear,
what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black or brown,
or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It's not about what grades you get,
how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.
Life isn't about what clubs you're in,
or how good you are at sport.
Life isn't about what representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will accept the written you.

LIFE JUST ISN'T

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposely.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
Life is about what you say and mean,
maybe hurtful,
maybe heartening.
About starting rumour contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgements you pass and why,
and why your judgements are spread to.
Life is about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy,
fear,
ignorance
and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading it.
But most of all,
it's about using your life to touch or poison otherpeople's hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life is all about.

Be Thankfull

2007-06-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

Sebenarnya, kita hanya punya 3 hari saja:

Yang pertama;Hari Kemarin.
Kita tak bisa mengubah apapun yang telah terjadi.
Kita tak bisa menarik perkataan yang telah terucapkan.
Kita tak mungkin lagi menghapus kesalahan;dan mengulangi kegembiraan yang Kita rasakan kemarin.Biarkan hari kemarin lewat; lepaskan saja...

Yang kedua:Hari Esok.
Hingga mentari esok hari terbit,Kita tak tahu apa yang akan terjadi.
Kita tak bisa melakukan apa-apa esok hari.
Kita tak mungkin sedih atau ceria di esok hari.Esok hari belum tiba; biarkan saja...

Yang tersisa kini hanyalah hari ini.
Pintu masa lalu telah tertutup;pintu masa depan pun belum tiba.
Pusatkan saja diri kita untuk hari ini.
Kita dapat mengerjakan lebih banyak hal hari ini bila Kita mampu memaafkan hari kemarin dan melepaskan ketakutan akan esok hari.
Hiduplah hari ini.
Karena, masa lalu dan masa depan hanyalah permainan pikiran yang rumit.
Hiduplah apa adanya.
Karena yang ada hanyalah hari ini; hari yang abadi.

The day will come when you will review your life and
Be thankful for every minute of it. Every hurt, every sorrow, every joy, every celebration, everymoment of your life will be a treasure to you......

Things should never apologize for....

2007-04-30T01:01:00.001-07:00

1. Never apologize for giving my best in a relationship that just didn't work out.
2. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
3. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because I save my money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean me cheap.
4. Don't apologize for being a single mom. Kayla is a blessing.
5. Never apologize for treating myself to something special. Sometimes I need some appreciation.
6. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. I know what I can tolerate and what simply gets on my nerves.
7. Never apologize for saying NO.
8. Never apologize for my taste in clothes. It's my style.
9.Never apologize for changing my mind.
10. Never apologize for exercising your right to choose. It's your body and your right.
11. I never apologize for being me!......

Apa kata mereka tentang.......

2007-04-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ini copy an dari testi teman teman di friendster... sayang FS nya dah ngak active karena lupa password nya dan dulu sign in nya pake alamat imel jaman di IP djuhhhh sebal banget..mo created yg baru kayaknya dah basi hari gene masih FS2 an...he.he.he....
Kebenaran testi ini sih 50:50 kale yah...he.he.he ...padahal gw kan lebih lebih..hmmmmmm JELEK dari itu...hue.he.he.....
ini dia niki aka yang ku mo aka neng aka bunda kayla........:

o Tina
o Yaaanngg Kuuuu Mooooo ... duuuhhh ... Niki itu orgnya cueeekkkk banget! Enak diajak becanda, orangnya baik ... tapi kalo dah ngambek ... duh males deh ... tapi dia salah satu temen gue yg asik ... gue masih inget bgt saat hrs nyupir roti tawarnya tegah malem buta sendirian ampe keringetan, saking takut dia nyupir dalam keadaan tidak sadar ... huahaha ... I never forget that TRAGIC day! Wove you Mama Kaywa ...

o Dayat
o Niks, ini adalah room mate gue he he he... Niki ini baek, tapi kalo udah ngomel bisa kaya kesamber gledek tuch ruangan accounting :-) tapi ga pa pa u r de best lah niks.. especially in analyzing financial report..

o Piw
o Yang kumo temen gila gw, I really miss our crazy times! We both scorpio jd klop; we do things off the limit: enaknya bisa pol2an.. ngga enaknya: ngga ada yg ngerem hehe.. klo urusan cowo UNCENSORED, urusan mabu2an NO LIMIT hehe.. yg bt skrg, agak bolot, soalnya gw masih suka gila2an, yang kumo prefer drmh (soalnya sdh ada kayla) trus gw cerita cowo, deise cerita suami.. lha, itu artinya masih klop ngga yah?! hihi

o danieL
o Neng adalah salah satu teman terbaik yang aku dapatkan.....walaupun agak galak tapi dia baek banget sama temannya ...sangat helpfull kepada sesama trus pinter banget...and cantek juga seh...he..he..he..he...ehm waktu kita kuliah dulu dia biasanya jadi leader klompok kita...termasuk salah satu mama genk...di persekutuan doa kita...Niki pokoke teman yang bisa diajak dalam senang maupun dalam syusah....pokoke niki is the best dah...

o Maya
o Bundanya kayla ini adalah salah satu temen curhat gw, orgnya sensitif bgt, wajah preman, hati rinto, kira2 bgt lah gambarannya. Anaknya asik buat diajak ngobrol, makan (salah satu persamaan kita) apalagi buat gila2an, tp skrg sdh gak bisa lagi....:( ada Davin dan Kayla:)

o fannieeeeeeeeee
o IBu dengan satu anak ini orangnya sangat-2 CheerFUL, temen ngegossip sejati, hobby makan (sma kaya Fannie), ga peLit, suka menolong, kaLo Lagi makan siang sama Mba Ci2, Mba Christine, Ibu Harnie yang ada bukannya makan malah Cape ketawa trus perutnya keram deh udah gitu yang jadi Objek berCanda'nya saLah saTu priA Terganteng di muka bumi ini (yang ini hanya kita yang tau ya Mba) hehhehehe. trus mba niki ini kadang-2 PLinPLan, dari kantor bilangnya mo makan di Tamani eh diProvokatorin kita mau aja makan di Emperan sebelah Wendy's huahauaha (inget Mba susu Kayla mahaL). I wish ouR Friendship will be Last 4eVa.

o Nita
o Kayla's mom ini adalah orang yang paling baik.., dulu waktu sekantor, dia nggak pernah keberatan untuk ditebengin, partner erobik, abis itu makan mendoan..., temenan ama dia kaya punya kakak cewek.., cuman kalo bete nya lagi kumat... wuih..seyem..., pokoknya temenan ama ibu NQ itu menyenangkan sekali deh....Keep in touch ya.

Effort is a Joy

2007-04-26T02:31:00.000-07:00

Life is filled with difficult work isnt it?.
Have you ever considered what a blessing that truly is?
The opportunity for effort never ends. Complete one task, and there are even more then before, ready to be undertaken.after annual financial report , there's annual taxes report ...Financial statement analysis per two months to Directors after that financial statement for investor , review monthly FS report,weekly report cash plan, daily task......uuuuuhhhhhh Sometimes I just want to scream ......Capeee deh..

But if I see effort as a burden, then I might well become dismayed that there is no end to it.
Yet effort is not a burden at all.

Just read one of my friend's email that state : EFFORT is a JOY....my eyes open..and that Am realize yeah effort is a joy, repeat.. effort is a JOY .
I got something valuable from that article....
Effort is a grand opportunity to express my self and to express the magnificence of living, in a way that is solid and tangible.
The burden of effort is only in my imagination, only in my resistance to it. Let go of that imagined burden, and experience each effort as the truly liberating thing it is.

Think of how life would be if every moment brought more and more richness and fulfillment. Know effort as the joy that it is, and that's exactly how's my life will be.......

Keep on Choosing

2007-04-22T20:46:00.000-07:00

One of my fave quote:
Success is not a secret. It is a choice, a choice that is made over and over again.......

Am agree with that quote..
Setiap hari kita di hadapkan dengan pilihan....apa yang kita tuai nantinya adalah hasil dari pilihan kita...
Kayla saat ini aku sudah coba ajarkan untuk tau artinya memilih......
Last week after go to sunday school we go to mall , am pretty sure she have she's own plan ...
along the way to mall she said" bunda aku mau beli baju nanti yah" , she have a fave stall that sale a lots of tshirt yg gambarnya character2 dari kartun kesukaan nya.
and finally we arrive at Mall " ayo bunda ke atas ,aku mau beli baju'
hmmmmmmmmmm aku mau yang belle dan ariel bunda.... No kayla ..you have to choose one .The most you wanted .... ngak boleh dua dua nya. Bunda punya uang nya cuma buat satu baju saja.....
She choose the ariel ...and she say.. Iya bunda aku mau yang ariel..tapi kalo bunda ada duit lagi minggu depan aku mau yang belle yah...
Thats the way , am teach my daughter.... Hidup penuh dengan pilihan..dan tidak bisa kita dapatkan semua pilihan tersebut dalam satu pilihan....

its a choice, a choice that is made over and over again...

Bekasi, April 21 2007